Talking to an aging parent or family member about getting older, their plans for the future, needing assistance with daily activities or even where to live isn’t an easy conversation to start. Although it may be uncomfortable, it’s a necessary conversation to have before an emergency occurs. Here are a few tips to open the lines of communication and start having conversations about their future.
- Make a list of concerns you have for your parent or family member. For example, you may be worried about their physical safety at home or their ability to manage their medications independently. Write down everything that concerns you. While addressing your concerns, also try to guide the conversation with questions that allow them to express their thoughts and plans.
- Research different senior living options. As you educate yourself, you’ll likely find a range of options from independent living and in-home care to assisted living and continuing care, all of which include different types of senior care services. Be realistic about the amount of help your loved one truly needs so you can ensure the best match. Also, consider touring the communities together to share your opinions and perspectives.
- Set up a time to talk. Tell them about your concerns beforehand so they can start thinking about what they envision for their future. If they feel blindsided by the conversation, they could become defensive. Inform siblings and family members about your planned meeting so they are aware of it even if they can’t be there.
- Talk in person if possible. Choose a time when you are both well-rested and can talk uninterrupted. You may want to meet at a neutral site outside of their home or involve a close non-family member, such as an attorney, physician, minister or friend.
- Use questions with supportive, sympathetic language while making clear your concerns for your parent or family member. Let them know you care about how they are doing and want to know their ideas for their future. Also, open body language is important — no crossed arms or hunched shoulders.
Sample questions:
“If you decide you would like to move, where do you see yourself living?”
“What things do you need help with around the house?”
“How has it been for you living at home? Have you considered whether you’d like to be around other people your age?”
- Listen carefully to what they have to say rather than providing an immediate solution. Reassure them that you are their partner and work together to address any particular need or issue. Be patient and respectful – you can always restart the conversation if it gets too heated or overly emotional.
- Keep Lines of Communication Open. Although deciding next steps with one conversation would be nice, you will likely need multiple discussions. It’s okay to take the time to develop a mutually agreeable plan unless you have an urgent health issue or safety risk to address with your parent or loved one at home.
Next Steps.
Jumpstarting the conversation about senior living may be difficult, but you can help your parent or loved one navigate their next steps and devise a plan that works for everyone. We want to serve as a resource, so please contact us if you have questions or want more information about the care and living options The Spires at Berry College can provide.